Festival Foods That Are Oh-So-Good but Definitely Aren’t Good for You

My diet over the past week hasn’t been the greatest, much to the chagrin of my body. However, I can confidently tell you that my stomach had one of the most amazing 5 day stretches its ever seen thanks to all the amazing food vendors at camping festivals.

Okay, so, let’s for a second just forget about all the alcohol I had during my 5 day stay just outside Manchester, Tennessee. I’m more interested in talking about the food I had during my stay and how amazing and unique it all was.

Usually, I’m inclined to tell you about healthy foods and what’s all good for your teeth. But today, I’ll tell you about all the wholesome unhealthiness I had during this year’s summer festival shenanigans and tell you exactly why they were so super unhealthy. It kind of works in the same way, right? Just reversing the order? No?

Ehhh screw it. I’m gonna talk about the amazing food regardless. Maybe I’ll slip in exactly why it’s bad for you.

First off, the best thing I had all weekend was a thing called a Roti Roll. Picture a fluffy, flaky taco shell filled with the best pulled pork, kimchi, macaroni and cheese, and egg over easy you’ve ever had and voila! It’s a Thurman Merman Roti Roll. The amazingness that erupted in my mouth as I bit into the first bite is absolutely indescribable. Was it good for my teeth? No. Was it good for me in general? No. Was it good? Oh god yes.

Next on the list was the best donut, bar none, that I’ve ever had in my life. There’s this company called Peachy’s, and they’re an Amish donut company. I donut think I’ve ever had such a fluffy, cloud-like donut in my life, and the light glaze on top was just the icing (getting carried away with the puns now, aren’t I) on the cake. I also had a “unicorn donut” from this very place that was topped with pink icing, loads of sprinkles, and an upturned waffle cone with icing on it. Talk about diabetes on a plate.

Finally, we have the Ozark Mountain Biscuit Company’s “The Special”. All you’ve really got to picture is a biscuit sandwich that has fried chicken wedged between with some gravy, an egg, and some collard greens. This is, by far, the best biscuit sandwich I’ve ever had. Don’t let my poor description fool you: this was a fan favorite at Bonnaroo and a close second for me.

Overall, though, seek out those Roti Rolls and you’ll wish you never had. They’re that good.